[FANFICTION] Jaejoong's Heart

a/n : this was just for fun. My first ever fanfic that i wrote last year. Still have a few more but it's just simply sitting rotting away. I have tons of ideas but the passion somehow not there. But i promise that i'll finish it someday -peace-

******

His heart is dead. Lifeless.

It might beat, pumping blood through his body, but to him it feels nothing.

He looks around the apartment. Empty. Quiet.

Jaejoong sigh.

He lost counts on how many he had sighed since this morning. He continues with the furniture’s arrangement, pushing the couch here and there, looking for a perfect place that will fit.

‘Hyung, let me help you” Changmin offered to help him. “It looks heavy.”

‘Yah Jaejoong-hyung, why are we moving couches and tables on our day-off? We’re supposed to be resting’ Junsu’s squeaky whining reaches his ears. Yunho and Yoochun were laughing at a sulking Junsu.

Jaejoong turns, smiling, but all he saw was an empty space. ‘Because I like the living room to look different once in a while.’ He whispers to nobody but himself.

He sighs again.

His heart, it’s lonely.


***


His fingers move over the piano’s keys. Stopping once in a while to get the inspiration for his new song.

Jaejoong scribbled the notes that he remembered on the piece of a paper in front of him, when suddenly a loud, dolphin-like scream can be heard from the living room.

Soon after, he heard running footsteps approaching his room. The door was suddenly blast open.

‘HYUNG!’

Jaejoong looks up from his piano, and stare at a flushed Junsu.

‘Hyung..... do something about Changmin!’

‘Junsu-yah, don’t scream. Your throat will hurt. My ears too.’

‘Not funny at all, hyung. You better do something about Changmin now,’ said Junsu while dragging Jaejoong away from his room to the living room.

Changmin was lying on the red-plush carpet, playing game. Yoochun was reading a book, while listening to his iPod. His eyes sometimes wander to the big screen, watching the mini car speeding through the city; trying to avoid being caught by the police.

‘Yah!’ Junsu hits Changmin. ‘It’s my turn now!’

Jaejoong sighs. ‘Why can’t you play together?’

‘Junsu is a sore loser’ explain Changmin. ‘He keeps accusing me of cheating, which i never did.’

Jaejoong could see a big headache coming his way. ‘If you don’t play nice together, i won’t cook tonight.’

‘HYUNG!’ Three shocked voices rang through the living room. ‘Why am i being dragged into this too?’ whined Yoochun.

‘Coz you’re not helping at all’ said Jaejoong. ‘Now be nice kids, play along.’

Jaejoong went back to his room.

It’s almost 8pm. His stomach is grumbling asking to be fed. He got up and went to the kitchen.

‘What do you guys want to eat? Jjigae?’ No reply coming from the living room. He glances.

It was dark.

No loud noise of three grown kids playing games. No loud noise of three grown kids bickering with each other.

He suddenly lost his appetite.

His heart, it’s breaking.


***


He pulls out pots and pans from the cupboard. He searches the fridge for ingredients to make tuna kimchi jjigae.

The soup is already boiling in the pot. He carefully sliced the dubu. He suddenly felt someone presence, creeping slowly towards the dinner table.

‘If you eat that sticky rice cake skewers, i won’t let you have the rest of the foods later.’ Jaejoong carefully put the dubu into the soup.

‘But Hyung.... i’m hungry. And how do you know it’s me?’ Changmin come to stand beside him.

‘Coz you’re my baby?’ Jaejoong laughs at Changmin’s dark reaction.

‘Hyung, i’m not a baby anymore.’ Changmin pout. ‘It’s Junsu’ he whispered. Perhaps he was afraid of another wrath coming from Junsu.

‘Here.... let me cut that green onion for you’ Changmin offers his help, while taking the knife away from Jaejoong.

‘Why did you only help me when it comes to foods?’ Jaejoong was curious.

‘I’m a growing boy, hyung. I need all the nourishments.’ Changmin put all his concentration on the task in his hands. 'And i love your foods' he mumbled.

'And he said he’s not a baby anymore?' Jaejoong wonders inwardly. He shook his head and said out loud ‘Yah!! Stop growing. You’re taller than the rest of us. And you’re only the maknae.'

Yoochun and Junsu came into the kitchen. ’Dinner is not ready yet, Hyung?’ ask Junsu.

‘Almost. Help me prepare the table. Where’s Yunho?’ Jaejoong passed the chopsticks and spoons to Yoochun.

‘Yunho hyung is still in the shower.’

The table is laden with foods. And Jaejoong finally realised he make enough foods for 5 person instead of the fact that it was only him at the table.

He put the spoon down. Covers the foods and leave the table.

His heart, it’s bleeding.


***


‘Hyung, give me one.’

‘I thought you said you’re going to stop.’

It’s cold outside on the veranda. The wind biting on his skin. But he ignores it. It’s his favourite place to unwind and smoke his cigarette. Makes him forget the day’s tiredness of singing and dance rehearsal.

Yoochun took one from his pack. With a flick of a finger, he lights the cigarette.

‘This is good.’
‘Don’t blame me if you’re coughing like an old engine later tonight.’

Yoochun laugh, ‘I know you love me, Hyung. You’ll take care of me, right?’

‘Humph...’

Jaejoong continued puffing the smoke. Circles of ‘O’s rising in the air, carried away by the night soft wind. He moves his gaze to the right. There's only an empty chair. He doesn’t have to worry about Yoochun tonight, because he’s at home, with his mother and brother.

Jaejoong’s hand curled over the railing and watched the ashes from the cigarette falls over the city. He hugs himself. It’s getting colder. He steps away from the veranda, sliding the door close. Ah...much warmer inside.

His heart, it’s freezing.


***


Jaejoong laid himself on the bed. The black satin feels so calming and soothing. He closes his eyes, yearning for the sleep that has been evading the night for a few days.

‘Why do you like black?’ Yunho asked. He was coming out of the toilet.

Jaejoong turns. ‘It makes me look sexy and mysterious’ he smirked.

Yunho laughs. ‘I agree with the mysterious part. But the sexy part, you’re wrong.’ Yunho moves slowly to the bed, throwing the towel into the rattan basket nearby.

He pulls Jaejoong into his arms and kisses the pert nose. ‘I am the only one who can make you look sexy.’

Jaejoong felt something fluttering in his stomach. Yunho’s deep voice always turns him on. His heart beats furiously.

Yunho kissed Jaejoong’s eyes. The whisper-like kiss continues down his cheek and to his neck. Yunho sucks lightly on the pale birth mark.

‘You’re so sweet ... i feel like eating you alive.’ The desperate tone in Yunho’s voice, along with the slight aching pain on his neck, turns Jaejoong's blood into turmoil.

Jaejoong pulls Yunho’s head closer to him, staring right into his eyes and said ‘Then i’m all yours’ before parting his mouth to accept the hungry kisses from Yunho.

He’s panting and moaning with needs, left breathless from Yunho’s assault. He’s slowly loosing himself in the euphoria. It feels like both of them are floating on cloud, riding its course to heaven.

Thunder and lightning strikes.

Jaejoong gasp. He was awaken by the noise. Looking outside the windows, rain is pouring heavily.

The other side of the bed is empty and cold. It’s just a dream, sigh Jaejoong. He looks at the clock on the side table.

1.20am. It’s already 26th January.

He quickly searched for his hand phone, excited to see what is waiting for him. Messages fill his inbox with birthday wishes. His parents, his sisters, friends and colleagues.

But no messages from the four special person he’s waiting for.

He put his hand phone away. It hurts.

Another sleepless night has come to visit him. His eyes are burning and he’s holding it in.

His heart. It’s crying.


***


The buzzing sounds disturbs his sleep. He cursed silently for making the day coming too quickly. He’s not ready to face another day.

‘Are you going to waste a beautiful day like this lying on bed?’ a voice assaulted his hearing. The voice that he has been missing for months.

Jaejoong turn slowly, still closing his eyes, afraid that the person he’s been waiting for so long might be another illusion.

‘Please don’t let this to be another dream’ he begs.

‘Are you having a wet dream of me again?’

Jaejoong gasp. He opens his eyes.

‘Yunho-yah’

Yunho was smiling down at him, touching his face, kissing his eyes.

‘Yunho-yah’

‘Happy Birthday Jaejoongie. You know i won’t forget this special day.’ Yunho grins at him.

‘Yunho-yah’ Jaejoong hugs Yunho tightly, not letting any space comes in between them. ‘I miss you.’

‘I know. And i love you.’

‘Hyung! Stop being lovey dovey. It’s Jaejoong-hyung’s birthday. Let’s celebrate and eat now or Changmin will finish it all by himself.’

Jaejoong look at the bedroom door. Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin are smiling at him.

‘Yoochun-ah’

‘Junsu-yah’

‘Changmin-ah’

Yunho chuckled slowly. ‘Stop saying our names like you’re dying. Come,’ pulling Jaejoong out of the bed.

‘Go and wash your face hyung,’ said Yoochun. ‘We’ll prepare the table.’

*****

Presents lying everywhere... forgotten. Cakes on the table... also forgotten.

Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin are bickering again in front of the TV fighting for the remote while Yunho is trying to calm them. Jaejoong sits on the couch, quietly looking at them.

Laughing with each other.
Teasing with each other.

This is what i’m waiting for, his heart whispered.

Without realising, tears start to pool at the corners of his eyes. His sobs escape his mouth.

Suddenly the noise stops. Four pair of eyes looking at him worriedly.

‘Jaejoongie!’, ‘Hyung-ah!’

In an instant, he felt warmth surrounding him.

‘Don’t cry Jaejoongie.’

‘Look what you’ve done Junsu-hyung, you make Jajeoong-hyung crying.’

‘No i’m not. It’s you, Changmin.’

‘It’s the both of you.’

Jaejoong continue to cry.

But his heart. It’s finally smiling.

***